


All I Ever Wanted

by ladyofdecember



Series: You're The Fire And The Flood [4]
Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Mentions of Girl Meets Texas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5209697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofdecember/pseuds/ladyofdecember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why'd you have to like her?” He didn't like the way Farkle so gently and quietly let the words escape from his lips. But all he uttered in response was an equally quiet, “What?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place sometime after Girl Meets Texas. I wanted to write something really angsty with the two of them and with the whole Maya and Lucas thing I thought this would be perfect. As always my headcanon for Farkle and his parents is that they leave him home alone a lot, often going out traveling for business or just for pleasure. And hopefully Lucas and Farkle's voices sound right. I feel more comfortable writing for Farkle than Lucas but I think I have them about right. I just love Farkle's character so much, like he's so unsure of himself, so weird, so out there and yet he's a genius and is really cultured. I dunno, I just love it. Also, I'm not sure where this falls within my series timeline wise, but I think that they are all going to be one shots and not really connected to each other. I'm kind of all over the place with these short stories.

Farkle was lying on his bed staring idly out his bedroom window at the gray sky. The sun was setting although he couldn't see it due to the numerous sky skyscrapers in the way.

A New York intellectual... that was what he had said to the man. What a joke.

He let his hand dip down off the edge of the mattress to touch gently across the delicate and soft carpeting. From outside and many, many floors below was the street from which he could hear various sirens sounding from police and ambulances.

He had embarrassed himself, that much was true. Being face to face with Lucas' grandfather back in Texas had forced Farkle to realize a great many things. The most important of which was that he was most certainly not as smart as he thought he was. Sure, he may be a genius when it comes to academia and he may boast many awards but when it came to people and actually traveling outside of his great city, he really knew nothing.

As soon as the last bell had rang not one hour ago, Farkle had gathered up his things and quickly rushed out of the front of the school and down to the subway. He didn't want to get caught up in any conversations. He just wanted to go home.

A bell sounded from his halfheartedly discarded phone that lay on the floor by his bedroom door along with his backpack and shoes. He glanced at its' general direction lazily but did not get up to check it. It was most likely Riley asking where he was and why he'd disappeared so suddenly. After all, she would be the only one to care enough to actually bother and reach out to him ever since...

Farkle closed his eyes, trying to shut out the thoughts that threatened to continue. He was so tired of thinking about it all. He just wanted to forget it.

After Mr. Matthews had forced him to figure out what was going on between the three of the group he had been forced to face his own feelings and what that meant. He hadn't wanted to get involved. He wasn't involved. None of them ever included him in anything anyway. But, Mr. Matthews had insisted and since he really did care about Riley, he'd relented if only to make sure that she was truly okay.

Once that had been settled, that hadn't stopped his own unpleasant thoughts from intruding on his otherwise peaceful week. Against his own volition, his mind returned back to the memories of their Texas trip.

He'd had an amazing time getting to know more about Lucas and where he came from. He'd enjoyed every minute of it. The food, the music, the campfires. 

Farkle had been forced to face something he'd long known to be true about himself. He had feelings for Lucas, and not just love for his best friend but strong emotions too. In the light of that camp fire, under those beautiful, twinkling stars, he couldn't hide anymore. This was reality now. He had to face it.

Gazing straight up at the ceiling, he tried to ignore the chimes that continued to sound from his phone a few feet away. He couldn't handle this right now.

Feeling a few tears beginning to burn at the corners of his eyes, Farkle Minkus willed himself not to cry. He chastised himself for being so emotional and so stupid about the situation. He was not going to cry about this. He was going to get over it and move on.

Lucas liked Maya. Lucas liked Riley. Lucas seemed to like everyone or just about everyone. Everyone except him.

He tried to ignore the way his heart seemed to clench up at the thought of him. Rolling onto his side, he pulled one of the pillows from the top of the bed down closer to him to grasp tightly. Against his better wishes, tears began to flow down his cheeks and into the fabric of the pillow case. He hugged the pillow tightly trying to suffocate the sounds of his sobs as he began to cry harder and harder.

Why did Lucas have to come to their school? Why did he ever have to meet him? Couldn't he have stayed in Texas being wonderful and good looking and smart and perfect? Why did he have to venture into this city at all and ruin any and all chances at him having happiness?

Ignorance is bliss and if only he could go back to the time before he knew he even existed. The thought was painful and harsh, true, but at this moment it was the only thing he could think to wish for.

Lucas would never like him, could never like him. What world did he think he was living in that that was ever an option? In what reality could he and Lucas ever be happy?

Farkle shook his head in disbelief at his own thoughts and clung to the pillow even tighter.

Maya was beautiful. From her long, blonde locks of hair to her pretty, bright blue eyes. Her perfect skin, her wonderful clothes, her sense of humor, it was all too much. Farkle could never measure up even if he had tried.

But that was the thing. He had never tried. He never spoke up and now it was too late. 

Farkle wondered why it was that he stayed silent for so long. Was it because he didn't believe Lucas would return his sentiments? Of course. But it was also out of a fear of not only being rejected but also losing this wonderful person from his life. His best friend.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that, just curled up on his bed and crying, just pathetic. But eventually he fell into a restless sleep, having exhausted himself mentally and emotionally.

…

Farkle was dragging his feet, exhausted as he made his way through the halls making his way to 1st period. He dreaded having to walk in so late to class but he'd barely woken up on time.

As he made his way down the staircase and towards Mr. Matthew's classroom, he gulped as he saw a familiar face loitering near the lockers. He'd thought maybe he could sneak his way past quickly but it was too late. Lucas had spotted him and flashed a smile beckoning him over.

With one glance towards the nearly full class room, Farkle sighed and changed direction towards Lucas.

“Hey Farkle, where were you yesterday?”

He shrugged. “I dunno... at home.”

Lucas gave him a strange look as though he could read the boy's mind. “Are you alright?”

“I think we should get to class.” Farkle responded harsher than he intended to before spinning on his heel and marching towards the room.

Lucas followed him speechless, going to sit at his own desk next to Farkle's.

Mr. Matthews came striding in not much later and began class though Farkle could not concentrate whatsoever. He watched as Maya and Riley seemed to be leading the discussion as per usual pausing ever so often to allow Mr. Matthews to speak as well. 

He sunk down in his seat, suddenly feeling very tired and a little nauseous. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Lucas was staring at him intently. Funny, shouldn't his gaze be glued to Maya?

Farkle ignored him and pretended like he didn't realize his obvious staring.

Eventually, they were given an assignment and Farkle was able to busy himself on his work, thoroughly blocking out everyone and everything else. He just had to make it through the day and then he could return home to try and forget everything once more.

…

Around lunch time, Farkle had thought he had escaped everyone successfully. When the bell rang he quickly left class but instead of heading his usual way towards the lunch room, he sought out a different path entirely and headed out towards the library.

Sitting down on a few steps just outside the library doors he took a deep breath and tried to relax. It was so quiet in this area of the school. This was exactly what he needed. Peace and quiet.

Turning to look towards the sound of footsteps approaching, Farkle was met with a pair of green eyes that took his breath away.

“Hey Farkle... everything alright?”

“What do you want?”

Lucas moved to sit beside him in the stairway as Farkle focused his stare on the far opposite wall. “I just think you've been acting strange lately. I want to make sure you're okay.”

Swallowing back a sure to be bitter and angry reply, Farkle focused on sounding positive. “I'm fine.”

“Yeah... I don't believe that.”

“Well, I don't know what to tell you.”

A moment of silence passed between them with Lucas clasping and reclasping his hands together awkwardly while the shorter boy tried to look everywhere but at his friend.

Finally, Farkle stood up to go. “Look, don't worry about me. Everything's fine. I don't know why you'd care anyway.”

Lucas lost his passive expression which was quickly replaced with anger as he stood as well, the two of them facing one another. “Of course I care, Farkle! What does that mean?”

“It means you'd rather be hanging out with Maya right now, admit it.”

The cowboy was lost for words. He stood gaping at him in shock as Farkle turned to go once again. He stood, back facing Lucas, worried that he was going to lose control again and confess everything.

Farkle sighed. “Look, I'll see you later.”

And then he was retreating quickly down the hall. By the time Lucas found his words, he was gone.

…

It was almost 4pm before Lucas was able to track Farkle down again. He was at his locker, getting ready to leave for the day. The hallways were just about empty. Lucas calmly and quietly made his way over to him, coming just a foot or two away before Farkle noticed his presence.

He sighed, slamming his locker shut and shifting his backpack onto one shoulder. “What do you want, Lucas?” 

“Why are you so mad at me?”

Facing him now, Farkle looked beyond him and over his shoulder to check if anyone else was lingering in the hallways. Seeing the area was empty except for the two of them, he gazed into the taller boy's beautiful pools of emerald green eyes. “I'm not mad at you.”

“The hell you're not!” Lucas cried incredulously, surprising Farkle with the intensity of his booming voice.

Farkle shook his head in exasperation and moved to walk past him but Lucas placed a rough hand against his shoulder shoving him back slightly. “No, you're gonna talk to me, Farkle. Don't leave.”

“Don't do that.” he whispered darkly and then moved to walk around him again to which Lucas stepped to the side in front of him to block his path again. “I'm serious, Lucas. Just leave it alone.”

“Why are you so mad? What did I do? And what does this have to do with Maya?”

The brunette threw his bag to the ground, frustrated beyond belief and growing even angrier every second that ticked by. 

Lucas stood patiently awaiting an explanation.

“You really wanna do this now? Here?!”

Lucas shrugged. “Yeah. This is as good a time as any.”

Scrubbing at his eyes with both palms of his hands, Farkle took a step back away from him. He took a deep breath in an effort to calm down. Lucas was standing still now with crossed arms and an impassive look plastered on his face.

“Why'd you have to like her?”

It was a simple question but the way he said it rang through Lucas' ears and vibrated through his chest settling in somewhere in the pit of his stomach. He didn't like the way Farkle so gently and quietly let the words escape from his lips. It made him feel guilty and he didn't quite know why. It made him feel like hiding away, just leaving right now and heading straight home to hide beneath his covers of his bed, never to come out again.

But all he uttered in response was an equally quiet, “What?”

Farkle looked away, unable to keep up his terse anger. He didn't want to be here, didn't want to be having this conversation and he hated that Lucas was forcing it out of him. “Just forget it, Lucas.”

Lucas blinked, truly thrown by the surreal conversation they seemed to have stumbled onto. “No, I won't forget it. You mean Maya?”

Farkle crossed his arms over his chest, trying in a desperate attempt to distance himself from the cards he was laying all out on the table. He glanced back at his best friend. “Yeah. I mean Maya. What happened in Texas... why'd you... why you'd have to kiss her?”

The last few words fell out of his mouth shakily.

Lucas uncrossed his arms and took a step towards Farkle but this only caused him to move back two. They stood staring at each other for a moment surrounded by the now deafeningly silent hallways. Most everyone was gone by now except a few stragglers here and there. It was getting late and it was a Friday after all. Everyone had better things to do than to hang around at school except for the two of them apparently.

Lucas seemed mad. His face contorted into a scowl and his voice began to raise in volume but he was not mad. Not really. “I didn't kiss Maya, Farkle.”

“Oh yeah? Gee, somehow I don't believe you.”

Farkle's words now had turned bitter and dripping with sarcasm.

Lucas took another step towards him but this time Farkle held his ground. “Well, I don't care what you believe, I. Didn't. Kiss her.”

Another moment of quiet passed between them when suddenly Lucas' phone chimed signaling a text message from someone. Farkle raised an eyebrow as Lucas pulled it out of his pocket to check it.

“Your girlfriend?” he asked him sourly.

Lucas' eyes darted across the screen before he shoved the phone back in his pocket. He stared at the brunette resignedly. “No, actually. That was Riley and she wanted me to make sure you were okay.”

Farkle's eyes softened at the mention of his childhood friend. Tears were threatening to make their way up again as he felt the burning sensation at the corners of each of his eyes. He forced his voice to remain steady as he reached down to retrieve his backpack once more. “Yeah, well, tell Riley I'm fine. Like I said, there's nothing wrong.”

“Farkle... “ Lucas began but trailed off, unsure of what else to say. He just wanted him to stay and not to run off again.

Farkle met his gaze once more and he could see the sudden pain showing through his icy blue eyes. He suddenly understood what he seemed to be blind to this whole time. How long had Farkle felt this way towards him?

“I don't want you to be upset.” Lucas tried another angle which made Farkle roll his eyes and begin to walk away.

“Trust me, I'll be fine.”

“I don't think you will. I think you're mad at me and you're upset. I think that we just need to talk about this.”

Farkle laughed bitterly, still facing away from the taller boy. “Look, I don't want to talk, Lucas. Can I please just go home in peace?”

Lucas began to breathe faster as his heart rate increased. He began to realize that if he didn't keep Farkle talking that the possibility existed that he'd be gone from his life forever. Out of frustration and anger he'd lose his best friend. And he didn't think he could handle that. What would he do without him?

Before Lucas could answer Farkle continued on, starting towards him again, one hand clasping at his black backpack strap as he held it over his left shoulder. “You know, I thought that you and me, I thought we were close, you know? And, I dunno, I just thought that that meant something. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was being stupid. I dunno. I've never been close to anyone like this. I mean, I care about Riley a lot. I've known her all my life practically. But even with her, it's not like this.”

Lucas was speechless as he stood staring at his best friend begin to pour his heart out to him.

“With you, I'm better somehow. With you, everything makes sense, even things that don't usually make sense. I get that, maybe you could never like me. I get it. But I thought, at least I thought... “

He trailed off, in a daze from his rambling mind. He stared at the carpeted flooring, the old dinginess of the now faded salmon pink color. He searched his heart for the right words and when he looked up again he could of sworn that Lucas was tearing up as well.

Farkle licked his lips and adjusted his heavy bag. “I'm not good at feelings. I'm not good at friendships or relationships of any kind. I just thought that you and me... I thought we could be something together. Clearly, I was wrong.”

“Farkle-” Lucas started but was cut off.

“No! I don't want to hear it. I know you like Maya. I know it. Maybe you didn't kiss her. But something happened between you two. I don't need to hear it. I don't want to.”

Eyes glued to the floor once more, Farkle felt the prickle of tears at his eyes and as much as he tried to will them away, they began to well up and fall down his cheeks.

“I understand.” he started, voice broken from emotion. “I won't interfere with you guys.” 

Lucas shook his head rapidly. “Farkle, whatever you think is going on between me and Maya really is not.”

Farkle glanced up at him unable to hold back his emotions any longer. “I liked you. A lot. You're my best friend, Lucas. But I don't think... I don't think we can be friends any more. I can't stand it.”

“What?” Lucas asked, a look of shock plastered across his face.

Farkle bit his lip and looked away from him, wiping angrily at his tears. “I can't be around you like this anymore. It hurts too much.”

“Farkle... “ he began to step towards him but in a second he was gone, disappearing down the hallway and Lucas was left alone. 

…

The sound of the doorbell woke him as he lay deep beneath the warm covers of his bed. It was late... probably ten or so since he had went to bed immediately after getting home.

Farkle sat up and wiped at his eyes blearily. Glancing at the clock he saw it was actually much later, 10:42pm. He struggled with whether or not to actually bother answering the door this late at night. After all, who in the right mind would be at his front door at this time of night? Still, it might be an emergency. It might be Riley or the Matthews.

Struggling to untangle himself from his covers, Farkle set about making his way downstairs. His bare feet were hit by the sudden cold as he made his way across the lush carpeting and down the stairs towards the living room. As he made his way into the foyer, he wrapped his arms around himself in a futile attempt to keep some of the warmth from his bed close to him.

Peering through the peep hole in the front door he was stunned to see Lucas on the other side. He was wearing his heavy letterman jacket and glancing around uneasily. Farkle bit his lip just watching him for a second.

He glanced down at himself and what he was currently wearing wondering if he should change. Deciding he'd better let him in lest he leave, Farkle quickly undid the multiple locks spanning across the heavy wooden door and stepped back to pull the door open.

Immediately, a cold gust of wind was sent his way causing him to wince and shiver a bit. Lucas who had his back facing the door suddenly spun around in surprise. He let his eyes travel down from Farkle's disheveled bedhead to his black long sleeved pajama top and blue and black plaid pajama pants to his bare feet.

Farkle blushed as Lucas continued to say nothing and just stared. Finally, he drew his eyes back up to his puzzled look on his face. “Uhh... hi.”

Blinking rapidly, Farkle hugged the door as he searched for something to say. “Hi.”

Lucas shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and shrugged. “Uh... can I... come in?”

Raising an eyebrow in response, Farkle tried to think of multiple ways to say no, reasons why he couldn't and excuses galore. In the end though, he settled on shrugging and nodding mutely as he moved to the side of the entryway for Lucas to come in.

Now inside, Farkle was glad he was able to shut out the cold breeze with the heavy door. He finished relatching all the locks and spun around to see Lucas still awkwardly standing there, hands shoved deep in the pockets of the red letterman jacket.

Farkle blinked at him. “It's... late, Lucas.”

“Yeah, I know. Uh... but I figured your parents weren't here... so... “ he mumbled as if that was an explanation.

Moving past him and out into the living room area, Farkle threw himself down on to one of the couches leaving Lucas to follow his lead.

Sitting down gingerly next to him, he stared at the very large, flat screen television mounted on the wall in front of them. Farkle seemed to be busying himself looking anywhere but at Lucas. And so they sat awkwardly on the couch in silence and dim lighting.

Farkle suddenly felt a panic rise up within him. He wanted to jump up and turn on the lights, bright lights, bright, eye shattering lights so that he wasn't forced to sit in this semi-romantic, accidental mood lighting. But instead, he stayed planted next to the object of his affections worrying at his lip as the seconds ticked on.

Lucas turned to him then with a look of determination in his eyes. “Look, Farkle, I'm sorry I came over here so late. I just needed to... I dunno... talk to you I guess.”

When blue eyes met green, Farkle felt like he was going to pass out. Why was the boy so beautiful? It wasn't fair. This was like a form of torture he seemed destined to be saddled with the rest of his life. Or, at the very least, the rest of his school career. Having to sit next to the boy for the next 6 months that was left in the school year was definitely going to kill him.

Farkle swallowed nervously. “What do you want to talk about, Lucas? It's late, you know.”

Lucas bit his lip and glanced around the living room. “This is a nice place. Very sophisticated.”

“Yeah, well, save your compliments because I had nothing to do with it. It's my mom. Or, to be more specific, my mom's interior designer.” he responded with probably more bitterness to his speech than the cowboy deserved.

Lucas looked at him again, this time with dejected eyes. “I'm sorry you're so mad at me. I wish we weren't fighting like this.”

Farkle took a deep breath and tried to ignore the way his heart seemed to hurt. He didn't allow his mind to think about how Lucas was probably with Maya earlier and how they probably saw a movie together and how they probably held hands and laughed together and kissed and-

“Farkle, you're important to me. Your friendship means a lot. I just want everything to go back to before, how we were before.”

“Things are fine. I don't know what you mean, Lucas.”

“You know what I mean. You're mad at me, obviously. And, I keep trying to tell you that whatever you think is going on between me and Maya... isn't.”

Farkle glanced at his best friend and noticed how he had slowly inched his way closer and closer to him as they sat together on his couch. He suddenly became hyperaware of the situation he currently found himself in.

He sat on his living room couch in his PJs at nearly 11pm on a Friday night next to his crush and best friend. His parents were out of town and wouldn't be back for nearly a week. He was alone, sitting in this big empty house surrounded by romantic, mood lighting after Lucas had voluntarily made his way across the city to see him. Farkle was confused.

He sighed, suddenly feeling all the more exhausted and weary. “Lucas... “

“What?” he asked him faintly, seeming to lean in closer to him.

Farkle looked into his green eyes and suddenly felt himself sinking deeper and deeper into some sort of trance with his friend's gaze. He bit his lip again as Lucas waited patiently. “Okay, so maybe you and Maya aren't a thing. Fine. I'm not mad you. Can we just drop this?”

“Maybe I don't want to drop it, Farkle.”

Farkle stared down at his hands while he began anxiously playing with the fuzzy material of his plaid pajama pants.

Lucas grabbed his hands causing him to jump and look up at him again. He cradled them in his own as he continued staring deeply into Farkle's eyes. “Maybe I don't want things to go back to how they were before. Maybe I want them to change.”

“What do you mean?” Farkle asked hesitantly, glancing down at their joined hands.

“I like you too.” Lucas smiled shyly at him. “I have for a while now. I just... I didn't know what to do or how to go about it. I didn't... know that you liked me.”

He felt his heart rate start to speed up, his palms growing sweaty. His brain told him to snatch back his hands quickly or Lucas would notice but he remained frozen, locked in a gaze with the boy from Texas.

“Farkle, I want to be with you. If... if you still like me too?”

“You like me?” Farkle said, the words galloping out of his mouth in haste. “Really?”

Lucas grinned as he began to run his thumbs across the back of Farkle's hands. “Yeah... really.”

Feeling renewed energy despite the darkness that surrounded them and the late hour, Farkle smiled too and moved closer towards the boy. He moved his hands out of Lucas' grip quickly and placed them on the back of his neck and in one fell swoop brought his face and lips down to his own, kissing him with a fervent intensity that Lucas had never known.

They stayed like that for a moment, Farkle kissing Lucas and Lucas bringing his arms up and around Farkle's back to press him even closer before they finally broke away.

When they did finally break both seemed out of breath and dazed, each with a small smile on their face.

Lucas was the first to break the silence as he laughed nervously and said, “Wow. Uh... yeah. So, that happened.”

Farkle beamed at him, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. It felt like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He sighed, this time contentedly and nodded in agreement. “Yeah... uh, that was... intense.”

“Does this mean that you'll... you know, go out with me?” Lucas asked hopefully.

“Well... I dunno, I'm not sure I like you like that, you know?”

Lucas glared at him playfully. “Oh really?

Farkle shrugged and stood up, a mischievous smile on his face. “Yeah... I mean, you're great and all but-”

Lucas took the opportunity to yank him down onto his lap by pulling on his delicate, long arm. Farkle was surprised and let out a yelp but as he sank into the boy's arms a blush came across his pale face and he couldn't help but smile.

“I don't think that's true at all.”

“No... “ Farkle mumbled as he stared into the eyes of the only guy he'd ever had feelings for.

Lucas smiled and leaned in closer, almost touching his lips to his. “I think you do want to go out with me.”

“Yeah... “ Farkle mumbled faintly, nodding.

Finally, Lucas crushed their lips together again and it was almost too much for Farkle to take. He wound his arms up and around Lucas' neck trying to pull him even closer than he already was. Lucas smiled into the kiss and pulled Farkle closer to his body.

They pulled away, all nervous and giddy.

“Of course I'll go out with you.” Farkle smiled.

“Good, cause my backup plan was to serenade you on the sidewalk outside but it's really cold out there.” Lucas said tightening his grip on him.


End file.
